Suburban Home Beset by Plague

The recent spread of “The Gunk” made its way into the home of the Wolfe family approximately 10 days ago. The first to be struck with this harrowing illness was Eamon Wolfe, 2.

“He started with the sniffles,” reported Kathleen “Kate” Wolfe, 30, and Eamon’s mother. “We thought it was nothing. We were wrong.”

The sniffles soon turned into a trickle which sources say then became a deluge of snot on Saturday, February 20.

“We had to get more tissues,” explained Eamon’s father, Aaron Wolfe, 37. “A lot more tissues. The lotioned kind.”

According to his father, Eamon weathered the illness like a “trooper” and a “champ,” attempting to smile and play despite a racking cough that would drop him to his knees in bronchial fits.

But no matter how valiantly he fought, by Sunday morning Eamon proved not to be winning his war as infection set in. After several calls to health insurance companies, Eamon was admitted to a Patient First where he received antibiotics for his first ear infection. Sources indicate that Eamon was “a very good boy” who did his best to sit still in the waiting room.

“Thank goodness for smart phones and Dinosaur Train on YouTube,” said his mother.

With antibiotics on his side, Eamon made a slow but steady recovery.

That Sunday evening, however, disaster struck again when Kate succumbed to a second bout of the stomach flu. She had been ill with the same virus earlier that week. After five days of subsisting on bread and soup, Kate thought she had made a full recovery.

“I was wrong,” said Kate, who then sighed and returned to heating up more Campbell’s chicken noodle soup.

During this time, Aaron was the sole man left standing in the Wolfe family, the last beacon of health. He had Presidents Day off and then stayed home again with a still recovering Eamon on Tuesday. Reports indicate that Aaron was up several times during these nights with Eamon, who would cough to the point of dry heaving. Aaron let Kate sleep while he tended to the sick child.

For his efforts, by Wednesday the cold virus had spread to Aaron. By Thursday, he was sent home from work and told to rest.

“These are dark days,” explained Kate. “But we are sticking together as a family and pulling through.”

Last reports indicated that Eamon’s cold was back to the sniffles, Aaron felt somewhat better after finally getting some sleep, and Kate had increased her diet to include turkey sandwiches without any significant relapse.

“At least one good thing has come of this,” reported Kate. “Eamon has learned several new words: doctor, medicine, tylenol, tissues…”